Our fast growing membership has designated this outreach the
3-Square Campaign.

We are dedicated to encouraging toilet paper users worldwide to limit their use to 3 squares per pull. Only then can we feel safe in the knowledge that our tp reserves will last for our children's children's children's children's children.
The average user typically grabs 8 squares of 2-ply PER GRAB! Many people take much much more. Our movement considers this overconsumption a disgrace to our country, and recommends rationing and use taxes to help discourage needless waste. We feel 3 squares maximum are really all that is needed in the normal toilet paper function. After all, you wash your hands anyway after the function, don't you? So what are you afraid of? (I'll bet you'd automatically sniff your finger(s) if you got 'em dirty, wouldn't you!)
By reducing such waste, we will save innumerable natural resources, thereby helping our planet, and at the same time making trees available for other important paper products, such as National Geographic Magazines, and Sears Catalogs, which, in the end, make reasonable tp themselves. And the general public will save money too, because there will be less waste in the sewage to dispose of which is charged to everyone in their utility bills or septic pumping fees.
This is a non-partisan issue, and we are working with legislators at both state and federal levels, pushing hard to obtain legislation and monies aimed at reducing this tissue menace. If this tissue issue is of high importance to you, we urge you to call, write, or email your legislators today and let them know you want their help to curb this terrible exploitation of our endangered toilet paper. With your donations, we plan on running high visibility advertisements in all media, aimed at eliminating the of lack of interest. Won't you please help us wipe this menace out?
At the very least, please contact us to let us know how you feel, and if possible please join our Clingon Club membership at the low introductory rate of For joining you will receive an identification membership card, monthly newsletter, 2 bars of soap, and a coin operated single square toilet paper dispenser designed for household use. You will also receive a sample of our new patented washable and reusable cotton toilet paper once production has begun.

NEW! - Download this 8 step instruction sheet on how to perform the "wipe function" with only ONE SQUARE of tp! Incredible!!! Save TONS of TP and LOADS of cash!!! (Adobe Acrobat Reader required)

So the next time you have to "torque a moonfish", please think carefully about just how much tp you really need to grab. Please help save our resources. Thank you for your efforts.

Facts & Figures